Today (A Diary Poem)

Today

was nice

Today was fog

and ice and

“I smell snow”

Today

was pulling the tags

off brand new slippers

Pink pajamas with

buttons

Home-made

peanut butter cups

and tea

Today was cold

Today was blankets

and extra socks

(fuzzy socks)

and red noses

Today was tears

smeared on glasses

Ice standing

little pillars

like people

on the fence

building up up up

a tiny world

Today was Team Jess

Team Logan

Team Jess

and holding hands

tight

when everything

means extra

Today was grey and

silver

“Here is slippy-”

white and

sparkling

“- Be careful”

Today

was nice

 

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Make Yourself Proud | Writing Update

Hello again!

So, if you’ve been around a while you’ve probably seen me mention Mouse. Mouse is a novel I decided to work on earlier this year that then completely took over my life. Actually, I guess I kind of handed my life to it and oh thank goodness it was completely worth it. I’ve now finished Mouse. Finished! It went from a vague idea to four whole packs of sticky notes covering the windows to a messy as all heck google doc to a full on manuscript and I still kind of can’t believe I actually did it.

It was tough, my brain isn’t the most consistent or hospitable at the best of times but we rallied and I genuinely think Mouse has helped me and my mind-quirks learn to cohabitate a whole lot better. I feel so proud of Mouse and of myself and it’s the first time in a  while I feel completely Myself.

Which is good, because I’m now in entirely new territory taking a terrifying step that I didn’t actually think I’d reach. I’m working on making Mouse a thing. A thing that people could read and like or love or hate or put on a shelf and forget about. Right now Mouse is off with the lit agency of my dreams and I’m refreshing my email like it controls the air supply. I’m ready for the rejection letters and I’m ready to take notes and make changes. I thought it would be more nerve-wracking, to be honest. I usually fear failure to a ridiculous degree but with this, I feel like I can’t fail because (prepare for cheese) I’ve already won. I wrote a whole novel! In verse! A whole (maybe someday fingers crossed) book! My brain that regularly shuts down and hides managed to write a whole book. A book I’m proud of no less. I thought I would hide it away and keep it safe from anyone that could read and criticise it but instead, I want it to be read! I want opinions and notes and I want it to be the best it can be and oh my giddy, giddy aunt does it feel amazing.

I’ll keep you updated on Mouse’s journey, no doubt it’s going to be a long and rejection filled one but it’s one I’m finally ready for.

Meg

x

 

Twenty Four

IMG_4945lights06It’s been exactly 2 weeks since I turned 24. The day wasn’t a great one, I was already dreading it and woke up with a raging headache and a stinking case of the sads. I didn’t want a birthday when I’ve been feeling so outside of myself and I was terrified of feeling excited then letting myself down on the day. So it was a pretty nothing day. I slept a lot, was horrifically cranky and don’t remember much else. It sucked.

But the next day was better. I did my usual morning stuff; feed the cats, bring the dog out on ‘business’, tidy the house, do the laundry; the normal daily things that help me feel like a person. The middle part is a bit blurry but that night we ate toasties and watched Inside Out and cuddled and I mostly remember thinking that if this is what 24 is, I’m ok with that. I may not be who, what or where I planned to be but things are good. Under all the rusty, dusty stuff there’s still something pretty shiny.

So, here are twenty-four thoughts about being twenty-four.

I’ve gone from full-on hardcore ‘mornings are evil and actively trying to ruin my life, soul and happiness’ person to a “morning is my quiet time to get stuff done” type of person. A true shock to everyone.

I like coffee now. A lot. Too Much.

I’m not what I thought I would be but thinking about it now, I wouldn’t want to be.

I finally have short hair, something I’ve always wanted and always wimped out of. It’s amazing, fuzzy and cute as heck.

I really love doing laundry.

A trip to Asda is literally the most exciting thing and I love that.

Still obsessed with Demi Lovato.

Have become a Justin Bieber fan.

I got a pink ukulele for my birthday, another thing I’ve always wanted and wimped out of. I love it, suck at it and refuse to stop.

Being in a relationship at 24 feels pretty different from being in one at 19 in ways I can’t quite put my finger on but everyday, even when everything is shitty, we are perfect and I feel so happy to be with the same person after all of this time.

Trees are incredible, seriously, how great are trees?

I don’t read how I used to. The need to read everything, to know everything and have an opinion on everything has completely dissipated. I read what I like, when I like and I don’t care if it’s something reputable or pure beautiful trash. It’s super freeing and much more fun.

Burning passions for certain things have burned out and that’s ok.

I forgive that friend for the horrible stuff she said but I’m now comfortable saying she’s a dick and she was wrong.

Happiness isn’t a constant struggle. It isn’t the goal. I’ve figured out that you can’t be happy all of the time and it’s unfair to feel like a failure when you just can’t. All emotions are valid and needed. Even the crappy ones.

I’m still not very good at walking in heels but damn it, I try.

Candles, guys. Candles.

Having a dog is the greatest, he makes every single day feel real and tangible and hopeful. Today he learned how to roll over and if the rest of the day falls to poop I’ll be going to bed with a super dorky proud smile on my face.

I’m smarter than I thought I was, just not in the way I tried to be.

Legally Blonde is still the best movie ever.

A tidy bedside table is the greatest thing in the world.

I can take pills now! Without having to eat an entire yogurt for each one!

Some people are horrible and say horrible things and it’s ok to get angry at these people.

I feel like a cute chubby little pink marshmallow and I love it.

Meg

x